Note to self:

Never and Lauren I mean never wear stiletto heels in ice and snow ever again because you just nearly broke every bone in your body.

Flattery....

"I'm hoping you're going to tell me you're taken because the last time I saw you, you looked incredible".

"Sorry, no can do. I'm still single. These men don't know what they're missing out on"

"I reckon you must be intimidating all of the men because seriously you should not be single"

"I really don't know what to say, if you weren't happily married I'd think you were hitting on me"

"If I wasn't happily married I WOULD be hitting on you".

It's all about meeeee

I did a little quiz to find out about my personality. I quite like how it described me.

Lauren you genuinely enjoy being around other people. Your relationships with others are very important to you. You love talking and meeting new people. You are very enthusiastic about work and about all that you do and have in your life. You love being the focus of attention. You enjoy a fast pace. You are very socially oriented. Therefore, you are much happier being with others than you are alone. You crave interaction with others.

You are very spontaneous and often act before you think. You are always quick to answer when you are asked a question, even if you aren't sure of the answer. It is easier for you to improvise as you go along. You enjoy thinking out loud, and are most creative when brainstorming with friends or colleagues. You enjoy being involved in many activities.

You are very easy to read, and often wear your heart on your sleeve. You are never afraid to tell people what you think. You are very empathetic and genuine. You can sometimes be seen as over-emotional or too involved by others. But that is only because you tend to get so involved in the things you do that they become personal. You want to be adored, loved and appreciated. You like to please others and to make sure people are happy.

You trust your gut instincts. You are easily inspired and trust that inspiration. You are very innovative. You analyse things by looking at the bigger picture. You are concerned about how what you do affects others. You worry about your actions and the future. You tend to use a lot of metaphors and are very descriptive and colourful in your choice of language.

You are very creative, and get bored easily if you don't get to express yourself. You like to learn new things. You don't like the same old routine. You like to leave your options open.

Sounds like me to me!!!

Painting a clear picture

Some say a picture can hold a 1000 words, but sometimes I think a picture can hold more than words, I think a picture can hold regret and hope, sadness and happiness, love and hate. I think a picture sometimes holds far more than we want to admit. A picture can be a blast from the past, a fantastic memory, a great moment, it can be a reminder of what we once had, who we once were. A picture can say an awful lot. However, sometimes a picture can say how far you've come or how far you've not come.

So, what does this picture tell you????

What happens when Lozza goes to prison.

I went to prison today.

Part of me wants to stop this blog now, just because how many first lines will ever start with "I went to prison today". But I shall continue as this blog only gets funnier.

I went to prison to support the new prison chaplain who attends my church as he was leading his first Christmas Concert.

When you sign in to say you're visiting, they ask to take your photo for a badge, this is:-
a. humiliating because people are watching
b. humiliating because you never know whether you should smile or not
and
c. Just humiliating in general.

So, I was about to get my photo taken and I heard Uncle Roy say "Lauren, face the wall" so I turned around to face the wall which meant the first picture they took was of the back of my head. So then I turned to Roy and said "I thought you said face the wall" and he said "no I said against the wall" ok so that just made this whole photoshoot even more humiliating. Anyway, eventually they get a picture of me practically creased over in hysterics through laughing so hard at the fact that the first picture they got was of the back of my head.

Ok then you have to go through an airport like process of security. Except it's even more secure because you also get the joy of being sniffed by sniffer dogs ok so I exagerated that it was just 1 dog and it didn't really sniff me I just had to walk by it to see if it reacted.

So you get through the airport security conveyor belt and you have to be escorted by a lady with a key, and she opens and locks every single door you go through and behind you and I've never seen security to this measure before. I mean it's a prison I should have expected that it's going to be secure but I'm a bit afraid I'll never be let out again as I watch every key turn in every door.

Anyway, the concert was brilliant, and even though there were only 5 of the young lads in it I was really impressed with both the way they interacted with each other and the way they interacted with those that worked with them. In my mind part of me was questioning what got them into the situations they'd got into in the first place because as far as I could see these young lads were no different to any of the young lads I've met. It was kind of a little sad, but it was good to see them supported even in an institution, and as you watch them perform a modern day nativity and hear them speak of how they wish they would be with their families at Christmas you hope that they'll come out of it better people, with the desire to get their lives on the right path. I prayed while sat there that God would impact their lives for the better.

Trying to get out of the prison was also a little funny, there was this one room that opened with a sliding door, you had to get through the sliding door, and then the door the other side of the room would open only once the door you just came through had shut. So the escort said to me "if you run you'll make that sliding door, so I ran but TMWTFSWIS didn't run as he didn't think he'd make it so then we're in 2 separate rooms and I'm without an escort.

One day maybe I wont cause such a scene, but lets face it since when has Lozza's life been without scenes and my scenes always make for good blogging..

Touched....

For the last 3 or 4 months I've been reading a blog. The blog is about a man who is going through a divorce. In most blogs he speaks openly about the emotions that he goes through, some days he seeks to find the positive aspects, some days he's clearly bitter, other days, he just misses his children a ridiculous amount. He talks openly about financial struggles, about what it's like only seeing his children every other weekend, about his social life now as a separated man, he talks honestly and openly and when reading it, it feels raw.

To say I've enjoyed reading about someone who's been going through a divorce sounds kind of morbid in a sense, but he wrote this weekend about something that struck me, something that he hadn't written about before.

Firstly, he stated that he went to church last weekend, and then he spoke of his parents, his dad who was a deacon of a church and his mum who was a strong Christian who would certainly disapprove of his divorce. Then he opened up about the fact that both his parents were dead now, and that he hadn't attended church in years, and that he'd had to face going through a divorce without the support of his parents.

Anyway, when he went to the church, a lady was there who knew his dad, and said to him you remind me of your dad so much. He came away feeling all sorts of things, he felt that he'd let his dad down by getting divorced, he felt ashamed, he felt all these feelings, and felt the woman shouldn't have said that he reminded her of him because he felt he couldn't match up to his dad.

Then he realised how much he missed his parents, but also how he longed to make his parents proud of him.

I don't know why his post touched me so much - I guess it's just so rare to read someone who writes so openly about every aspect in their life.

But yet, he went to church, whether it was to seek God, or to look for comfort, or to just feel something his parents may have felt I don't know but while he was there he came to the realisation that he missed his parents and he wished he could have made them proud. Part of me reckons his parents would be proud of him regardless of what's happened the other part of me hopes he finds God and gets the love and comfort that he is clearly searching for.

Either way, it was thought provoking for me.

Head V Heart

Sometimes we think with our heads and sometimes we think with our hearts, but what works well, is when we think with both at the same time.

The Patience Prayer

Is one of those prayers I (along with a whole load of other Christians) have avoided.

It's a common known FACT!!!??!??!!MYTH??!!!??!?!!

That if you pray for patience then it will get tested.

Yesterday (I'd like to blame it on the fact that I'm slightly premenstrual) I was very impatient. People asked me for things I'd sigh "why are they asking me to do that" if I wanted help, I wanted it now, and it just frustrated me when the help wasn't done properly. Yesterday I would have never, ever dreamed of anyone telling me I was patient. Ever. In a zillion years.

Then today, someone said to me "You have saint-like patience". It might be just one situation he was referring to, but I'm gona take that compliment and I'm going to accept it. Yesterday was a blip. Today, there is no need for my patience prayer, because I reckon it was tested in the past and guess what I passed.